Friendship is love without wings

Merry Christmas!

Well after my last posting, Lydia seemed to be doing so incredibly well. The whole team of Consultants, Doctors, Surgeons and host of other medical staff said she was doing very very well and there was talk of being released home maybe 2 weeks ahead of schedule. Well, day 7 post-op was her last great day. She was bouncey, lively and cheeky, much like the Lydia of old. The day 8 she had a temprature of 39.7c and everything went pear-shaped.

Turns out she has an infection somewhere. So the last three/four days, the medical staff have been testing, scanning , x-raying and testing again to see if they can locate the souce of infection. Turns out, she had a collection of fluid in her body of bile draining from the new liver. ALthough the donor liver was functioning perfectly well, as it was a split liver(not a whole donor liver) the cut surface was still leaking a little. Well bile in the body is just nasty. This made lydia so very unwell. The fluid was compressing her right lung and making very very hard for her to breathe. The bile was causing unbelievable amounts of pain in her little body. Its just horrible watching your little girl writhe in pain knowing there is absolutely nothing you can do to take it away. One feels so bloody helpless its unreal. You stroke her head whisper in her ear but you feel...what the fuck am i doing?...she needs morphine or something. So unwell to the point that she went back to theatre yesterday to have a second drain inserted to remove the bile collection.

As i am at home at the moment (about to return to hospital) I hear she is doing better already but god knows? I bet she is tired and sore. I know my wife will be ready to change over and come home. 

It just goes to prove what a roller coaster ride we're having. One minute filled with joy, the next we're watching our little girl getting worse to the point she's fingthing for breath and wracked with pain.

All i can say is, keep praying for her. All your kind words of love and support really mean the world to her and my wife and I.

I'll try get some more photos on soon. Perhaps less of her and more of other things. God knows this must be boring for you all.

Love and hugs to each and everyone of you.

Rich

p.s. incidently, does anyone know what you would call a collection of doctors?

Well after my post last night, we were on our way to buy a new school uniform for the monster and the phone rings,

"mr mellen, you're not going to belive this" it was less than 24 hours of getting home after the false alarm and they had another liver.

As i write this, Lydia is in Surgery for her transplant. She went in at 6pm GMT and is expected out in Intensive Care at 5Am tomorrow.

As we live 30mins from hospital rather than sit in an uncomfortable waiting room we came home.

I'm not going to be on here much for the next three weeks, but please do feel free to call me, mail etc. I will replay when i can.

Thank you all for your support and prayers. They really do mean the world to me.

Love you all

RIch

8 Random facts about Denali Luna

Here are the rules:

1) Only list 8 facts.
2) You must then list 8 TAGS at the end of the post. This means you must name 8 people on Buzznet who now must do the same blog.
3) Go comment on their profile and tell them to come read yours! Mark demands participation.

-------------

Facts

1. I  was born in Hartlepool in the North East on England where we are known as monkey hangers. Son to a Scottish Mother and German Father.

2. I played rugby at the very highest level and even had trials for England

3. I have taken the Queen's shilling in the Royal Marines

4. I have a pierced ....(ahem)....you know...erm....man's bits

5. my daughter and wife are my girls. I would die for them.

6. I love my friends more than anything else. If i call you my friend, you know i will be by your side through everything and anything. (some friends have already found this out)

7. I am a staunch royalist and would give my life for my Queen

8. I struggle with depression and occasionally self harm as a result.

I'll tag these 8 people in hopes that they haven't already been tagged:
evangeline, buddoman, dougieb, snowsmiles, lizette, kathy1981, gooddude, jmc

Hi friends,

Sorry i've been quiet for so long. My life has once again been turned upside down.

How do i say this succinctly? My little girl Lydia, has to go for regular check ups at the hospital because of her Liver disease. Well a couple of weeks ago, the radiologist found white spots on the ultrasound scan of her liver. 2 days later, she was given a rush MRI scan of her live which proved inconclusive. He blood test markers are all over the place and our consultants( some of the world's pioneers in childhood liver diseases) are baffled. To cut a long and traumatic story short. She has been put on the transplant list. She is now awaiting a new liver.

We have yet to tell her as this morning is our first day back in UK. We took her to France for a respite break. Lots of ponys, water parks and EuroDisney. Filled her two week break with joy and laughter. Took her 3yr old cousin too.

We don't know what the future holds for us. Our conslutants are confident and opptomistic but being her parents we are filled with fear, worry and intrepidation.

She is our world and we would be lost if something went wrong.

Ontop of this, because I have been over come with thoughts of my daughter, I have taken my eye off the ball at work and risk losing my company. Bill have not been getting paid becasue my mind was elsewhere and not on the business.

I have like 500 pics of our recent trip[to France. I will post as many as i can.

much love to you all

Rich

F**K IT indeed. I am not enjoying life at the moment. I am working more hours than there are actually hours. All around me seem to be enjoying life and being succesful and all i seem to do is work and get no further forward. Where is it going wrong. So much in my life is pissing me off at them moment. and to be brutally honest I have come close to letting my demons loose and throwing in the towel and saying F**K IT  i've had enough of this shit.

People tell me to take time for myself and make sure you have quality time. difficult to do when you'reworking working working. I know in the grand scheme of things I am better off that say an Iraqi civilian or a Sudanese.

I'm sorry i'm not posting much but I just havn't had time to sit down and download all my pics. Not that i've taken any.

My daughter is also going back into hospital on the 8th May to have more Liver Dialasis. Yet more stress. So much for retiring when i'm 45 i'll be in a box before then.

Love to you all

Don't let the bastards win

rich

In the light of the current world state where so many wars are raged on the premis of religion. I would to offer for thought a New World Religion.

 A religion where anyone can join in.

Where everyone is equal.

Any race  is accepted.

Any sexual orientation is accepted.

Any belief is welcomed and open for discussion

A religion where no-one is persecuted for their beliefs.

No one part of our religion is better than the other.

No one person is in charge and leads us into strife or conflict.

A religion where you are not required to dress a certain way

There is no singla god. You pray(if you want to) to whatever God you wish in any form your God takes.

No god is better than another.They are all equal.

A religion where the only rule is to live morally and ethically right. Be honest, loving, caring and welcome strangers as tomorrow they will no longer be strangers. We don't need a catalogue of rules. We merely need to treat others how we would like to be treat. If we all opened our hearts to warmth and light, the darkenss would be extinguished.

I believe if a number of people all join me in this form of religion we could make it a legitimate religion.If We all live by the moral ethics mentioned above our would would be more at piece. If we welcomed those in to our arms that are at war with others and themselves we would show that we can all live together.

Today, smile and say hello to a stranger. It will make their day. I do it everyday and it really works.

Who or what is MCR, my chemical romamnce and Villy valley or village idiot or whatever the hell hius bloody name is. Who are all these freaks wearing eye makeup?

Buzznet seems to be inundated with pictures and videos of them? I've never heard of them and i listen to some pretty diverse music stations.

Has buzznet suddenly become a fanzine for them? freedom of speach and all that, but in moderation please. I challenge you all. no matter what you search for, i guarantee you will mcr,or villyage people or what ever they are called.

Also, i alway thought buzznet was supposed to be a platform for your "own" images not images you paste from other websites and videos you steal from MTV. Surely there are copyright laws to think about here.

ooh it does make me vexxed

So, there i was, working in my shop today. When a couple walk in. They are late 30s early 40s. The male is blind and the female is.....well.......erm.........she had an adams apple dude and hands that made my shovels look dainty!

Now i am about as open minded as they come. Hell i've even strayed a little myself. But, you'd think one of his friends would have told him he'd married a man???? I mean she was 6'4" and 300lbs with razor burn.

I almost ruptured my panceas supressing laughter. It was one of those moments you only see in cheesy sit-com shows.

well it brightened up my day.

What a week indeed. Well its started really a couple of weeks ago. We've booked our summer holiday. We're heading to the Normandy coast for a week to look at the Normandy landing beaches and other significant battle points like pegasus bridge. Something i've wanted to do for such a long time. As we're taking Lydia, this will be interspersed with visits to Zoos and themeparks. This is the first real holiday we've taken since lydia was born. As she has a sever liver disease, its not always been easy to visit other places. but she is doing so much better thesedays. Of course we've had long weekends away with her but nothing like this. It'll be an adventure.

So coming into this week on a high, i was shot down when i found out, my bank had not been paying any standing orders for two months. and for some reason failed to notify me. BANKS!!!!!!!! I FUCKING HATE THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!! So i went to town on them big style this week. useless fuckwits.

Then, last night, coming home from work, I got busted by the police. I was doing 93mph in a 70mph zone. FUCK! Thankfully the officer was really nice. still ticketed me. and verbally warned me about my speed but did it all really quickly as i was in hurry to pick up Lydia and was running late. He could have arrested me  and had me banned from driving for that sort of speed but was very pleasent. Shame i got busted though. Went to the police station today to hand in my license for endorsing, Asked if i got a discount because i only 50mph today. Apparently not. according to the officer on duty. LOL worth asking i thought.

So who wants to come to france with me? I cant wait

Thanks for listening.

Rich

I am perplexed, confused and in a quandry.

for all my life i have been an atheist. But lately in the last couple of years, i have found myself devouring knowledge about religions. Not just Christianity - the religion i brought up with - but with all religions.

I don't think i could ever embrace a god. Or suddenly 'repent my sins' but i am interested in learing more about it.

I really struggle with some issues about religions and would really love to hear from you if you have thoughts about religion. Endlessly we hear on TV and radio and in the papers how evil Islam is and how they want to rid the world of christians but i have learnt, this is NOT the real face of islam. a case of the minority spoiling it for the majority.

I have learned that forgivness and acceptance is a major part of ALL religions yet when some someone crosses the line, they don't appear to be forgiven or even accepted in society.

for example, in the news recently, a priest announced he loved a woman and had a child with her. He was instanly banished from the church. Where did forgivness go? Did this make him any less a good priest because he loved a woman??

So please let me know what your thoughts are. I really want to try and understand religion and maybe even embrace it.

Help me please.

As you all know by now, i am the proud owner of a cookshop. Now having asked a few "professional" photgraphers for prices to do some product photgraphy for me and realising that giving them a kidney to pay for it wasn't practical, i have decided i'm going to give it a whirl my self.

So, I have scoured the magazines and t'interweb and found that Lastolite and Interfit both make these pop up cube thingies which they say ae ideal for product photography. However, neither say how i should light them etc.I'm reluctant to buy one and find i need t spend £300 on lights.                                                            So my friends, this is where y'all come in. With the depth of knowledge on here someone will be able to guide me towards the right equipment.

for starters, My current gear consists of:

Cannon Eos 3ooo with flash tower which is multi directional.

28-85mm lens(with macro)

70-300mm lens (with Macro)

Olympus 5060wz (no extras)only built in flash

Ideally i'd prefer to use my digital olymppus for speed of getting the pics on the pc.

Please let me know your thoughts.

Richxxx

p.s. flying Matt from long beach to do it for me is not aproper suggestion before you all go suggesting it.

When I was five, you were a giant. A huge man, a big man, the strongest in the world.

When I was ten, you were an SAS commando, a war hero, superman in flight. You could do anything, make anything. You were like a god.

When I was 15, you were so embarrassing. I was taller than you. Bigger than you. Stronger than you. I was ashamed of you. We had little in common

When i was 20, you were a friend, a mate a drinking pal. I thought you could be fun. But sometimes we fought.

When i was 25, you were there. You were at work, i was at work, and we got on and we drank. I started to show what i had learnt from you.

When i was 30, I made you proud. I felt I had met your standards. We were on a level playing field. I gave you a grandchild. I was now a man.

Now I am 35, you're an old man of poor health. I stand like a giant above you. I tower above you. I am stonger, fitter, faster. I am successful. I have a family. I have my own home and business. To some extent, you rely on me. Yet, without you i'd have nothing. Without you i would have learnt nothing. Without you i would be nothing.

You are my role model, my hero, the one i look up to...

With out you Dad, I'd be lost.

I love you Dad

Whats gone wrong with society?

2130hrs i'm the best part the way down my 2nd bottle of wine at home. relaxing after a busy week. The phone rings and its my Mum. My 14yr old niece(who works for me on saturdays) has been attacked and beaten up by a group of older girls.

I phone a cab and head to the hospital. Poor little mite. Has a bruised cheek bone, split lip, concussion and various lumps around her head from kicks. Thankfully there is no lasting damage done....

Psychologically though???

Whats wrong with society when a group of 18yr old girls who have been drinking see fit or find humour or entertainment in beating a 14 yr old girl unconscious? Where did it all go wrong? I cannot even begin to describe how angry i am right now and how much i'd like to stomp these girls in to the ground to show them how un-fun it is being beaten.

Its now 0200hrs and i am still wired!!!!

:-(

4-11-2000 to 4-11-2005 and counting.

Friday was my little girl's birthday. She is a whole 5years old. Who'd have thought it? We are simply blessed that she has made it to five years. When she was 10 weeks old, she was diagnosed with a childhood liver disease. We were told a lot of horrid things about liver disease in children and the possible out comes. over the following months it was determined that Lydia - my daughter - has Progressive Familial Intrahepatic Cholestasis type 2. We were told, with out a transplant, she would not see ten years of age. Well, she still hasn't warranted a transplant and she is now five years old. It is not without considerable stress that she is where she is today. The daily ritual of medication 13 syringes of medicine each day. Constant regular visits to hospitals and clinics. The pain and discomfort she endures. Yet here she celebrating her fifth birthday.

I am not a religious man. Not by any stretch of the imagination. I am athist through and through. But i believe we are blessed to have such a wonderful strong little girl as our daughter.

Through the care of St James Hospital Leeds, The children's liver disease foundation and countless other professionals we are here. We owe you all so much.

Today i went to a funeral. I took my father and an ageing aunt to cremate someone i hardly knew.

Whilst many people were very upset at the loss of Doreen Stevens(my fathers aunt) I found the whole event quite amusing.

point 1:

Vicar says "let us pray"

(all is silent)

little girl two rows back says "mummy! i need a wee" at the top of her voice

i almost pee my pants trying to stifle laughter

point 2

vicar finishes his bit. says amen and walk out.

congregation(mosty front row lot) sit looking at each other asking where's he gone? ten minutes later, an usher walks to them and telss them he's waiting outside to wish them well.(i once again try to stifle laughter)

point 3

On the door way to the crematorium, there was a list of the people who were being dispatched today. Someone(not me) had written "roasting today" above it.

stifled laughter again

point 4

we attend the wake. I use the bathroom, only to find that Lincolnshire is inhabitied by midgets. I'm 6'2" the ceiling in the lavetory was only as high as my shoulder.

and all this with out my camera(bugger).

I know i joke, but it was a solemn day. My father was upset. His family is dwindling rapidly. I feel for him i do.

But it wasn't only I who found the whole day funny. My cousin, Eve, asked if we could leave our gran(my father's mother) as she wouldn't be too long herself.No stifled laughter this time. I burst out laughing as loud as i could. A huge sweetgee style belly laugh.This is also the same girl who turned up to a great aunt's funeral wearing fishnet stockings and very high stillettoes.

ah well. we had fun non-the-less. and i was there for my dad.

Love you pops!

What is friendship? Today it has been reaffirmed to me that there are some truly  lovely people in my life. I find my self asking, what is friendship? I mean, how do you quantify something that is harder to define that say, god? I think of friendship as simply love without wings. My closest friend Jason, is like a brother to me. I'd kill for him. He has helped me through some of my darkest moments and been there for some of my brightest. He is quite literally the best. He turns up at my house, we hurl insults at each other. He letches over my wife, drinks my coffee and in a torrent of abuse, he leaves. I love him dearly.

Daniella - well what can i say about this beautiful woman. I love her so much. She is responsible for me being here today. She talked me down from my most histerical moments. I was on the verge of suicide and i listened to her voice. the voice of an angel. my angel. she saved my life. i owe her everything.Dan is one of those friends that turns up in her PJs at 8am for breeakfast just becasue she can. its the sort of friendship we have.

One of my closest and dearest friends has to be my sister in law Lindsay. best mates to the end we are. ex work mates and drinking buddies we still have lots of hugs for each other. If you read this lindsay, you mean so much to me.

Then my buzznet friends. I have not met any of you and yet, I feel so much love for you all. Each of you make me smile and show me how much love ther is in the world. Gee - you're my angel. I love you so much. Missy and Orangeros my fave girls. How i wish i could wrap my arms round you both and squeeze. Matt - dude! you're the best! i love you, your ink and you big bear of a husband. And all my other friends.....you're all so special.

So, what is friendship? fucked if know. But i know this. I am blessed to know you!

Yes there are plus points to owning your own business. Very very good plus points. However as i found this week, there are some truly shitty aspects to being the boss. As the British economy stagnates, interest rates move and overall costs of living go up, i found myself having to draw in the purse strings. This meant i had to do something  i had never done before. I had to fire the two ladies that worked in my shop. this week i handed them their notice. One was over joyed as she needed more time to spend with her daughter who is in the process of going though a messy marriage breakup. the other was upset(huge understatement) The latter had worked in the shop for close to twelve years. She doesn't like change and was just a little histarical.

So, being a business owner has its ups and downs. This week i experienced the downs.

...father for it has been 7 weeks since i took over the ownership of a cook shop in Malton North Yorkshire UK. In these 7 weeks my life as i knew has ended. I no longer find the time to take pictures. I no longer have time to ride my bicycles. I'm rarely on buzznet anymore.

Should i really be complaining? Absolutely not. I love my life. I now have a rekindled lust for life, a youthful zest, a whim of exuberance. call it what you will, there is a definate bounce in my step.

A far cry from what i was only a few months ago. Ready to end it all. throw the towel in and call it quits. Ready to back out of this life and leave so many loved ones with a space where ionce stood. I am so glad i didn't.

Owning my own business has really turned my life around. Once am almost reclusive peson now i am driven, passionate and motivated. I yearn for the morning so i can start anoter day. I greet my customers with a cheery smile and not a snarl. I love my life and its all thanks to you. my cycber friends.

If i could reach out and wrap my arms around you and say thank you for being my friend i would. So, please accept my cyber hug.

Your loyal friend

Richie roo.

xxxx

woo hoo! As Homer would say. New stuff arrived today. I got two 1gb memory cards, a 4xND filter and a circular polarizing filter all for my Olympus digital camera. So, now i am learning all about RAW format and what do after processing. with my new goodies, hopefully i can start producing some better images.

watch out for long exposures and polarized skies.

also. now i have 2gb of memory. i can take 1600 standard res pics or, 240 RAW images. whoooooooooooooooo wonder how long my battery will las before i need to buy a 2nd one of those.

oh its like christmas all over again.